Could you become close, very close with anyone? According to the world expert on intimacy, yes.
He developed 36 questions that could bring even total strangers together. This intimacy research has been around for more than 20 yeas, but with face-to-face communication at an all-time low, we decided to try to put it to test with some millennial techies.
Could they forge a strong, close friendship in a matter of minutes? And could it work for you?
FOX 10's Kari Lake spoke with Dr. Arthur Aron a relationship and intimacy expert who developed the 36 questions to create closeness. Aron developed the questions in the 1990's and two decades later they are even more relevant in the world we live in today.
Find the 36 question test below:
OK! Ready to go?! Start with the questions in Set 1. Read the question aloud, have your partner answer and then you answer it. Alternate which one of you reads the question out loud, so that you switch off every other question. Set a timer for 15 minutes. You may go longer, but it is important that you get through at least 15 minutes in each set. When the timer goes off, finish answering the question then MOVE ON to the next set even if you don’t get through all of the questions in each set. You may only answer 5 or 6 questions before you move to the next set. That’s okay. It is more important to spend 15 minutes in each set then MOVE ON to next set. You must get through questions (at least 15 minutes worth) in each set in order for this to be effective.
This is going to be an enjoyable experience and I’m so happy that you are taking part in it. Have fun!!
Set timer for at least 15 minutes.
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set timer for at least 15 minutes:
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set timer for at least 15 minutes:
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.